11 epic fails in Hollywood movies that are related to Russia

June 25 2017

RBTH

Screenshot from film

Will any combination of Cyrillic letters suffice when spelling a Russian's name? Does the Russian military prefer to use candles instead of electric lights, and is it possible to reach the Arctic by supercar? If you watch these films again, you'll certainly be scratching your head in confusion.

1. Independence Day (1996)

The world faces imminent destruction, and Americans are watching news from Russia, but it's still called “Soviet Central News,” even though the USSR collapsed in 1991. (15 min 1 sec)

Independence Day. / Screenshot from film

Strange map of Russia. Novosibirsk gets extra letters (Novosyoyrsk), Moscow moved to the Urals, and instead of St. Petersburg we see Petrograd – the city's name in 1914-1924.

Independence Day. / Screenshot from film

Russian military headquarters is located near a church, and if it's camouflage then why are these warplanes not covered? (1 hour 42 min)

Independence Day. / Screenshot from film

At headquarters, the Russian military for some strange reason prefers candles instead of electric lights. Again 1914?

Independence Day. / Screenshot from film

2. The Bourne Identity (2002), and The Bourne Supremacy (2004)

Everything was fine until Bourne found his Russian passport (17 min). In Russian, his name is written as АщьфЛШТШФУМ (Ascshf LSHTSHFUM), which somehow is translated as Foma Kiniaev (yes, an ‘ordinary’ Russian name). Of course, the Russian letters are absolutely meaningless nonsense.

The Bourne Identity. / Screenshot from film

The filmmakers tried to fix this fail in the movie sequel, The Bourne Supremacy, but something went wrong again - the ‘I’ (И) is one too many here, and the surname is Kiniyaev instead of Kiniaev. Moscow again is written as “Moscou.” (1 hour 18 min)

The Bourne Supremacy. / Screenshot from film

In Moscow, Bourne is looking for a girl, and a woman tells him her address – 16 Otradnaya Street. However, if he'd search for the street as it was written in the subtitles, he'd never find it. (1 hour 24 min).

The Bourne Supremacy. / Screenshot from film

3. RED (2010)

Everybody knows that in Russia it’s always cold, which is why when Frank Moses comes to the Russian Embassy we see snow all around, and Marvin wears a winter hat and parka. The embassy’s building is decorated by a bear, of course. (44 min 35 sec)

RED. / Screenshot from film

When Moses enters the building we see many titles, one of which has the meaning - careful analysis («Тщательныйанализ»). We don’t know what is “sostrazanne” (and why it's 45 percent), as well as “format direktivy.” Other words are just a bunch of symbols that mean nothing. (45 min)

RED. / Screenshot from film

4. Fantastic Four (2005)

The creators of the Fantastic Four movie came up with a fantastic name for the ship – the “Toe head” (Головкапальцаноги) (1 hours 37 min).

Fantastic Four. / Screenshot from film

5. A Good Day to Die Hard (2013)

In the beginning we see the case of John McClane’s son, written in Russian. Again, the Hollywood script writers forgot that in Russia we first write the date and then the month.

A Good Day to Die Hard. / Screenshot from film

The main heroes decide to cross the Russian-Ukrainian border unnoticed after stealing a Maybach (why do they think it’s the best idea?) that they broke into with a kind of metal bar. Of course, there was no alarm; the car owner probably spent all his money on the vehicle. (59 min)

A Good Day to Die Hard. / Screenshot from film

In the U.S., some places show the number of a town's inhabitants on road signs. But Russia and Ukraine don't have such a tradition. (Here we see: “Pripyat, population 50,000”) (1 hour 2 min 38 sec)

A Good Day to Die Hard. / Screenshot from film

6. Iron Man 2 (2010)

Russia is integral to this superhero movie, but it seems quite certain that the script writers didn’t have a Russian-speaking adviser. For example, on the screen instead of “Live” we see "At present” (Теперь). (54 sec., 17 min. 18 sec.) And there's "U.S. Senators a question Tony Stark;" instead of “U.S. Senators question Tony Stark.”

Iron Man 2. / Screenshot from film

When the squad of bad robots aims at visitors to the exhibition, we are shown a screen that says "target," in which it’s written in Russian that something "prohibits passage according to the references available in the document." (запрещаетпроходпоссылкам, имеющимсявдокументе) (1 hour 39 min)

Iron Man 2. / Screenshot from film

Then – “Allows passage according to the references available in the document. ” (разрешаетпроходпоссылкам, имеющимсявдокументе).

Iron Man 2. / Screenshot from film

7. RocknRolla (2009)

In Guy Ritchie’s world, Russian oligarchs do business not only through negotiations. At the same time, English subtitles often do not coincide with the speech of ‘Russian’ actors. For example, the phrase “I want you to keep an eye on this snake” was translated as “I want you and the czar to keep an eye on her.” What czar? (49 min)

RocknRolla. / Screenshot from film

8. Salt (2010)

Of course, when making a film about a gorgeous Russian secret agent the producers have to add all sorts of things with Cyrillic titles. But does she really need to keep on her CIA desk a pennant with the words, “To participants in the fighting in Chechnya.” Really? It's strange there were no matryoshkas and balalaikas at her home. (5 min 26 sec).

Salt. / Screenshot from film

Orlov’s questioning: Vassily instead of Vassilievich (9 min 11 sec).

Salt. / Screenshot from film

9. Mission: Impossible - Ghost Protocol (2011)

The new Russia is so cool. Seems this is the poshest prison in Russia, and the walls are illuminated like the Hermitage. (2 min 14 sec)